SIGNS of OVERTHINKING IN A RELATIONSHIP and how to stop it?
Relationship. Communion. Bond.
Hello, lovelies! On reading these nouns did your heart skip a beat in elation? Did a surge of pure joy and contentment rush through your veins; probably, infusing your spirit with a child-like candour and excitement? If yes, then your relationship barometer titillates towards the higher, positive sphere. Irrespective of being committed or single at present, you believe in this system- a beautiful culmination of two soul mates. You recognize the need to trust and give your partner space to grow and breathe. Kudos to you for being self-assured and simply, believing in what you’re creating with your partner.
On the flip side, many of us women tend to overthink through almost anything. The pertinent question to ask out here is if you are suffering from relationship anxiety or Relationship OCD? Confused much? Well, don’t be. We’re here to take you through this growing phenomenon and explain its ripple effects.
Ideally, don’t we all want to experience the warm fuzzy feeling of being in the moment with your loved one- just you two, against the world; happily brandishing your love and dishing out some #couplegoals? Luckily, for us, this minor impediment can be worked through and oneness can be restored. Want to ‘hold on and never let go?’ Healthy limits and boundaries is the go-to solution.
To think or not to think? – CAUSES OF OVERTHINKING IN A RELATIONSHIP
Are you often harrowed and overwrought by gut-wrenching thoughts such as ‘What if I am not good enough for him?’;‘What if he’s hiding something from me?’; ‘What if I’m incapable of his love or this relationship’? ‘What if I hadn’t said this or that?’ and the list goes on.
Now, now! For a change, we’d love to use this platform to burst this debilitating, self-spiralling bubble that you may be living in. Let’s vow to be the sassy, confident and assertive women that make us the showstoppers and forces to reckon with. Through this article, we want to uplift you marvellous lassies because women get women, right? We love any opportunity to empower our kind because ‘who run the world-Girls’.
So, what is ‘overthinking’? Filled with obtrusive ‘what if’, irrational thoughts, overthinking is definitely like a horrible pimple that makes a comfortable abode on our skin and refuses to leave. We’d like to thinking of it as a number of cars swishing by on a race track, trying to compete with each other. The only downside is that the adrenaline rush is substituted with emotional discomfort and negative patterns. Getting our shrink caps on, such rumination basically refers to ‘a method of coping with a negative mood that involves self-focused attention, with a repetitive and an overbearing focus on one’s negative emotions’. Stepping out of the realm of normalcy, these thoughts ring in our ears loudly and jarringly, which tremendously upsets and affects us for the worse.
Aren’t we all guilty of overanalyzing or dissecting a situation to the fore sometimes? Don’t get us wrong, it definitely is an astute skill worth possessing. But, when it edges out our crazy is when we should get vigilant. With women making their mark in different walks of life, they have become much more vocal about their needs and wants. We do not support any sort of nonsense. And as members of this species, we’re all for it, and would not have it any other way.
But, sometimes, since we’ve become progressively analytical, this tendency can shift to our relationships too. This has increased the incidence of Relationship Anxiety. And, yes, this is a real thing! When your feelings of worry, dread and insecurity define your relationship, you know it’s time to revisit your stance on the same. Many a time, we may be surprised to learn that in fact, our relationship is one for the keeps, and our partner is truly our better halves, complementing us in manifold ways. But, alas! It is all in our head! To all those who resonate, all you need to do is relax and learn to trust and let go of the little things (well not the serious deal-breakers, of course, which may start of small).
Finding our notion a tad bit vague? Well, not to worry, we have your back- quite literally.
SIGNS OF OVERTHINKING IN A RELATIONSHIP
Are You Dwelling into the Unnecessary? - SIGNS OF BEING AN OVERTHINKER
“Don’t get too deep, it leads to overthinking, and overthinking leads to problems that doesn’t even exist in the first place.”- Jayson Engay
Can we just heave a thunderous ‘Salute’ to this genius? Isn’t this analogy completely true? It’s completely acceptable to be on guard during the initial stages of a relationship. It takes time to know and fully understand someone in entirety that will become such an integral part of our lives. Our romantic partners are also touted as a source of our emotional strength, but what is the point of this relationship if that purpose is not met? Worse off, partly because of our own patterns of thoughts, feelings and actions. All we need to do is to have a little more faith and surrender to this light-headed, giddy feeling- allow him to live up to that fantasy, what say?
Obviously, if your partner is not right for you or ill-treats you, then you are not entitled to take any of his shit. But otherwise, don’t let “a small leak sink a great ship”. Your anxiety will not only overwhelm you but will also damage your relationship, leading to your self-fulfilling prophecy. Read on to know the signs of going down this path, as we clearly enunciate the signs of overthinking in a relationship.
1. YOU READ FAR INTO THE TEXTS: Well, hello WhatsApp and social media! Sometimes, a text may be just what it is- crisp and to the point. If you’re making a mountain out of a molehill, then you’ll succumb to this crippling anxiety.
2. FEAR OF BREAKING UP: You’re constantly encircling around the rabbit hole, thinking of the doomsday scenario, even if things seem to be hitting off well between the two of you.
3. YOU MAKE UP SCENARIOS IN YOUR HEAD: While you may enjoy a tell-tale, it’s better to not use our life as a medium right? You may be sitting at a desk when an intrusive thought about your partner’s supposed infidelity crosses your mind. Instead of dismissing it, you ponder about it more gravely, intertwining you in this dreaded web. Replaying conversations does not help one’s case either.
4. YOU SEEK CONSTANT VALIDATION: If you need your loved one to continuously reassure you of his feelings towards you such as “I love you”, and that “you’re okay”. While it seems romantic, this insecurity may finally run your partner ragged. While when they commit to you, they accept all our nuances and shades, the most important being the super assured and fun belle that they fell for in the first place.
5. DOUBTS ABOUT YOUR PARTNER: You’ve created a story about your partner’s intentions and actions, which causes uneasiness. Are you sensing a pattern? You may be unsure of his feelings towards you, which imposes on your individual abilities too. Clearly, you’re making a problem, when there isn’t one. Intense fears of a breakup may make you lose your voice, whereby you may not be able to voice your concerns or on the contrary, pick unnecessary arguments.
6. YOU’RE UNABLE TO BE IN THE ‘HERE AND NOW’: Damn straight! When these killer notions enter your head, you let go of your liberation, and just cannot enjoy the present moment with your better half. Isn’t that one of the reasons we crave such affection-To gleefully share our lives and create wholesome memories; through thick and thin?
7. YOU ARE OFTEN TALKING TO YOURSELF: At least in your mind! This is one of the most prominent features of overthinkers. They are talking to themselves. So engrossed and occupied are they with their own thoughts and notions, it is as if they are always in a conversation with themselves. Give your mind a break and please stop that dialogue with yourself.
Whenever we are associated with varied thoughts-feelings-behaviour paradigms, we cannot help but call out to our Freudian ego (alter personality, lol). Often times, these reactions are influenced by our past experiences or trauma, aka emotional baggage. If you’re one of those, then we applaud you for dealing and getting yourself out of such unwarranted situations with utmost grace. It’s understandable if we still have unresolved feelings pertaining to the same. But why let our past experiences linger on preventing us from creating a wonderful future for ourselves. Are we correct?
For all lovelies- fret not. We are here to help in reinventing yourself!
Time to Leave‘ them Rummages Behind!
Well, metaphorically of course! But giving life to this idea, let’s leave those self-sabotaging tendencies, and evolve into the boss women and starlets that we truly are. These deleterious patterns will just be harming us, and we’ll end up losing something worthwhile. So, phase out and own yourself using the following tips:
1. Talk to your partner about your feelings with utmost sensitivity and compassion
2. Talk to a trusted friend about your innermost musings to let it all out for you may not be able to tell your partner everything.
3. If the disparaging emotions are very cumbersome, seek therapy to break free. Don’t feel ashamed.
4. Cultivate a hobby and focus on your strengths, which will widen your identity and empower you.
5. Be sure to have a life and associations outside your partner. Always remember, your relationship is a part (even though integral) of your life.
6. Distinguish between what you can and cannot control, whilst maintaining healthy trust and boundaries.
7. Ask yourself the tough questions, pertaining to your overthinking tendencies and present moment being.
8. Affirm yourself positively- You are enough, capable and awesome!
9. Redirect your attention from the anxiety-provoking situation.
10. Look yourself into the mirror, and call yourself out on your paranoia- instead of assuming the worst, look out for the positives and assure yourself with a smile.
11. Give into some mindfulness magic.
Inspired, much, you beauties? Well, now enough of this gyaan! Before we go, let’s add a little positive note.
ARE YOU BEING AN OVERTHINKER?
Can Overthinking have Benefits too?
Surprised much? Calling out to the ‘Buddha’ in all of us; a little Useful Thinking hurt nobody! We can productively use this superpower, when we may deep dive to get more clarity or make some long-term, life-enhancing decisions. The secret lies in recognizing when you become irrational though. It’s okay to resolutely take your decisions, and consult a few companions, but learn to be firm and move on then. Be positive, trust your gut and go with the flow; anxiety is treacherous dearies!
To sign off, all we’d like to say is, “Overthinking and worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe”. Useless and gratuitous completely; perhaps, let it just fly off with the wind?