“Before you were conceived, I wanted you. Before you were born, I loved you. Before you were here, I would die for you. This is the miracle of Mother’s love.” – Maureen Hawkins
Isn’t this the ultimate truth of life? The biggest gift that a woman possesses is to birth another soul; to bring life into this world. Delving into a philosophical musing, maybe, is that why we attach the prefix of a ‘Mother’ to this nourishing life-force, our planet Earth? Not only does it nurture us human beings, but also, all the diverse living and non-living creatures, nurturing and cradling us in their entirety.
Coming back, one notion that is commonly held through different generations for both young and old is the blessing of motherhood (well, we’re talking about the majority of women). It’s a feat worth applauding, rather. Women today multi-task with such élan- they flourish and pave their way forward in their careers while taking care of their children simultaneously. Well, let’s take a moment to thank all the supportive and understanding partners out there for ‘sharing the load’.
Women through their virtue of having the ability to procreate form such a deep, intertwined bond with their children. Having housed them in their womb for nine, long months, a mother’s love is inexplicable, unconditional and pure. From the new-borns’ smallest wants and needs to their reason for crying or babbling, a mother knows it all.
If this process is not a miracle, then what really is? “A child indeed gives birth to a mother”.
Ask your parents about their experience, and they call it the ‘best, most wonderful phase of their life’. A woman goes through a lot to give birth, enduring blood, sweat and tears; a trauma that is forgotten as soon as she holds her little one in her hands, and feels their breath for the first time. Magical, isn’t it?
Traditionally, the order of life is to get married and then start a family. But, with the changing tide, things have spiced up a bit. Once in a while, we hear of cases where a couple gets pregnant before marriage, leading up to their hushed nuptials. While there are others who simply own it! One such stalwart is the graceful, poised and supremely talented actress, environmentalist and activist, Dia Mirza.
Pregnancy – A Feisty Force of Nature
A unique trailblazer, Dia has always stood up for what she believes in, whilst clearly and firmly, speaking her mind. With her several unconventional life choices, she truly is an exemplar of the modern woman. Be it parting ways amicably with her first husband after eleven years of togetherness, to having a woman priest officiate her second innings, this feminist never fails to inspire us!
Her influence is evident through her social media posts. Using this platform, she makes it a point to strongly voice her varied concerns pertaining to the environment and social injustice. Bravo, indeed! It’s not surprising that she has often created fiery headlines and that too, for the right reasons. Kudos to her, for she has done it again!
Barely a month and a half after her wedding with businessman Vaibhav Rekhi took place, we dreamers continue to drool over their sartorial and elegant intimate, home-bound ceremony surrounded by loved ones. Can we just say how picture-perfect the festivities looked? From cascading down the aisle in a traditional red number to enveloping her step-daughter with love and adulation as the latter led the way, this whirlwind phase has warmed all our hearts.
Still reeling from her surreal Insta-worthy honeymoon with her husband and step-daughter in the Maldives amidst the pristine, clear blue waters, sun, sand and a few whales, she astonished us again with a new life update. Looking scintillating and Zen-like as ever in a sun-kissed photograph, there she stood, cradling and her flaunting her baby bump. Damn, she looked like a goddess; radiating happiness and positivity.
As congratulatory messages started pouring in from her well-wishers, she simultaneously started facing flak and getting heavily trolled. Well, haters gonna hate, right?’ Negative comments such as ‘Oh, so that’s why you got married?’, ‘How can she do this?’ and so on have gone viral.
Here, we’d like to ask- Why are we being so derogatory and disrespectful of another person, taking away some of their happiest moments? Doesn’t everyone have the right and freedom to choose and live however they want? As a supporter rightly commented, “Not your uterus, not your business”. You slay, girl!
In a gleeful stead, this stalwart too quashed the naysayers with a befitting reply. Cheers to always shackling stereotypes, smashing the age-old patriarchal traditions, and living life authentically! We need more people like Dia Mirza– a woman of substance.
Celebrities Who Have Had Pregnancy Out of Marriage
In the west, this practice is not looked down upon and is well accepted. As a result of more couples cohabitating or ‘living-in’ together for a period of time before pledging their “I do’s”, this phenomenon is on the rise. Angelina Jolie-Brad Pitt, Ben Affleck-Jennifer Garner, Kim Kardashian-Kanye West and Mila Kunis-Ashton Kutcher are just some of the celebrities who have changed the game. Even though the former three couples may have split, they continue to healthily co-parent their children.
Closer to home, in our patriarchal society, a child born out of wedlock is still looked down upon as an illegitimate offspring. To the rigid-minded, can we just say that the laws have now been modified to become more inclusive, and that term holds no ground? Considered as a taboo, the older generations find it hard to keep up with this trend, equating it to a “sin”. Remember the famous one-liners, “How will you have kids before marriage?”, “Haww, will you and your partner stay in the same room before marriage? (*insert disdainful eyes*).
Futuristic for her time, the veteran actress, Neena Gupta grabbed eyeballs to have her daughter Masaba with the West Indies’ cricketer, Vivian Richards about three decades ago. This iron lady further shocked everyone with her decision to become a single parent. Hasn’t she just done a marvellous job? Joining the bandwagon, other yesteryear actresses such as the iconic Sridevi, Sarika and Mahima Chaudhary are just some of the courageous souls, who did not bat an eyelid and believed in their fortitude.
Yes, they were shamed, ridiculed and partly shunned too. But they stood their ground and emerged victoriously. More admissible today, several celebrities are following this lead and fighting their fight with utmost vigour and pride. Boss ladies such as Neha Dhupia, Natasa Stankovic, Kalki Koechlin, Celina Jaitly, Gabriella Demetriades and Amy Jackson are just a few names who’ve opened this discussion for debate.
It’s funny how we just let a piece of paper or rituals guide certain life decisions, isn’t it?
Technically, it is still a ‘gift of life’, right? Kalki, in an interview, quoted, “I don’t want to rush into anything”. Our Indian Sassy Pants, Neha Dhupia was in her first trimester when she got married in a hush-hush affair. She too believes that one needs time to explore and understand the emotional and physical compatibility with a potential life partner. Surreptitious about their condition, most of them continue to reveal their ‘good news’ after their nuptials, once the three-month mark crosses.
Pros and Cons of This ‘Taboo’ Pregnancy Situation
As a woman-centric platform, we completely respect and empower the brave hearts who may choose to go against traditions. But there are a few things to be kept in mind. All these ladies cited before are innately powerful and financially independent, which is a requisite today. While we need to keep our judgmental caps aside, let’s try and understand the reason for these norms. Misconstrued a bit, a marriage gives emotional and financial security, which can assure one of a bright, secure future for their kin.
Does this mean that couples who separate after years let go of that? The answer is both, but most of those needs are taken care of. Another important ramification is that children of marriage turn out to be more self-assured and confident since there is more stability and certainty involved. That being said, marriage is a sacred union, which should be entered because of the love that is shared between two individuals, devoid of external pressures. Marriage helms a separate commitment altogether. If that sanctity is lost, it could cripple with problems later.
An impinging trend growing popular today is single parenting. With women becoming more monetarily capable, they are sure to provide the best life for their kids. Following healthy co-parenting norms, a child can grow up to be well-balanced and mature. However, if that’s not the case, it may stagger their growth. Ideally, both parents contribute distinctly to their overall development.
Custody rights are mostly granted to mothers if embroiled in a legal battle, after which they have to fill in dual roles. This may result in feelings of neglect, loss and relationship inefficiencies in the future. Intending to foster a better life, the rearing parent often has to let go of quality time with their children and may find it hard to keep up with schedules. On the other hand, such offsprings learn to be more responsible and adjust from a very young age. Having seen their parent’s struggles, they evolve quickly, learning the ways of the world.
Unmarried parents find an easy ‘out’ of their partnership, rather than sticking it out and making it work. Not bound by the permanence of a conjugal, they are twice as likely to call their relationship quits before their child reaches the age of 12. Such kin often has a tough time getting used to the new normal. On the upside, unwed couples are not obligated to garner a loveless marriage, setting a far worse example for their kids through their toxic home environment. Always remember, “A happy parent is a better parent.” Ironic, but sometimes a step-parent can prove to be a more solid and uplifting presence in a child’s life.
However, single parents may face trouble getting back into the dating game, since they even have their children to think about. But wouldn’t we rather want them to be content? Lastly, before taking this humungous leap of faith, a couple’s current arrangement of living together as a family gives them a preview of what their life will look like thereafter.
In conclusion, we’d like to know your views on the same as a voice of the contemporary era. Do you look at this phenomenon as an immoral scandal causing trepidation, or something that needs to be outrightly spoken about and accepted? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.